loving the one you're with

I read in a newspaper few days back, the alarming divorce rates in the country.
With the economic condition that's not looking any brighter, demands in life getting increased,
married people have 1001 reasons to stop bickering and go on their separate ways...
It's quite a sad conclusion, but if it's for the best... They can't be living their lives forever throwing tantrums at each other, right?

I got a book from my BFF as my birthday pressie (oh no! not another mention of birthday, please!!)... :p
The title is Love the One You're With. It's a novel by Emily Giffin.
I haven't read the book, but when Uya gave it to me,
I asked her, "Is it a self-help book?? Do I need help on living my life with the person I am with now??"
She replied me with a laugh! Of coz, that book isn't about that! :p

Today, my ex-staff forwarded me an email that had all these...

EVERY relationship has a cycle.
In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner .
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit). Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard.
In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy.
It's a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades.
It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage,
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.
But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't 'find' LASTING love.
You have to 'make' it day in and day out.
That's why we have the expression - 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy .
And most importantly, it takes WISDOM .
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise programme makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect.
If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always :
'God determines who walks into your life.
It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'