sibling rivalry

if i can recall correctly, i'm the only one (among my close frens) who r with 2 kids. and, due to this, i have the privilege to experience something that my frens who r with 1 child dont -- sibling rivalry. during my childhood years, growing up with 2 elder brothers and an elder sister wasnt that bad. we had our bad days, but not THAT bad. comparing to wat my 2 kids r going thru now, my years were much much more peaceful..

these days, as mr. son and ms. daughter are growing and getting more 'mature' (within their ages), they constantly pick fights with each other. and everytime they do that, i think my head will start to feel like it's exploding!!! so, is it a normal things for siblings to fight? wat causes them to fight? and how to handle this recurring situations..? here's wat i found:

Sibling rivalry is the jealousy, competition and fighting between brothers and sisters. It is a concern for almost all parents of two or more kids. Problems often start right after the birth of the second child. Sibling rivalry usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to parents. There are lots of things parents can do to help their kids get along better and work through conflicts in positive ways.

What’s the up-side of having more than one child?
Most likely your kids’ relationship will eventually develop into a close one. Working things out with siblings gives your children a chance to develop important skills like cooperating and being able to see another person’s point of view.

What causes sibling rivalry?
There are many factors that contribute to sibling rivalry:
- Each child is competing to define who they are as an individual. As they discover who they are, they try to find their own talents, activities, and interests. They want to show that they are separate from their siblings.
- Children feel they are getting unequal amounts of your attention, discipline, and responsiveness.
- Children may feel their relationship with their parents is threatened by the arrival of a new baby.
- Your children’s developmental stages affect how well they can share your attention and get along with one another.
- Children who are hungry, bored or tired are more likely to start fights.
- Children may not know positive ways to get attention from their brother or sister, so they pick fights.
- Children will fight more with each other in families where there is no understanding that fighting is not an acceptable way to resolve conflicts.
- Families that don’t share enjoyable times together will probably have more conflict.
- Stress in the parent’s lives can decrease the amount of attention parents give the children and increase sibling rivalry.
- Stress in your children’s lives can shorten their fuses, and create more conflict.

How can I help my kids get along better?
The basics:
- Never compare your children. This one is a “biggie”.
- Don’t typecast. Let each child be who they are. Don’t try to pigeonhole or label them.
- Don’t play favorites.
- Set your kids up to cooperate rather than compete. For example, have them race the clock to pick up toys, instead of racing each other.
- Pay attention to the time of day and other patterns in when conflicts usually occur. Perhaps a change in the routine, an earlier meal or snack, or a well-planned activity when the kids are at loose ends could help avert your kids’ conflicts.
- Teach your kids positive ways to get attention from each other. Show them how to approach another child and ask them to play.
- Being fair is very important, but it is not the same as being equal. Your children need to learn that you will do your best to meet each of their unique needs. Even if you are able to do everything totally equally, your children will still feel as if they’re not getting a fair share of attention, discipline, or responsiveness from you.
- Plan family activities that are fun for everyone. If your kids have good experiences together, it acts as a buffer when they come into conflict. It’s easier to work it out with someone you share warm memories with.
- Make sure each child has enough time and space of their own. Kids need chances to do their own thing, play with their own friends without their sibling, and they need to have their space and property protected.
- Be there for each child:
- Set aside “alone time” for each child. Each parent should spend some one-on-one with each kid on a regular basis. Try to get in at least a few minutes each day. It’s amazing how much even just 10 minutes of uninterrupted one-on-one time can mean to your child.
- When you are alone with each child, ask them once in a while what they like most and least about each brother and sister. This will help you keep tabs on their relationships, and also remind you that they probably do have some positive feelings for each other!
- Listen—really listen—to how your children feel about what’s going on in the family. They may not be so demanding if they know you at least care how they feel.
- Celebrate your children’s differences.
- Let each child know they are special—just for whom they are.

Source: University of Michigan Health System

p/s: lenny, u'll be experiencing this soon...! LUCK!